but you’re so brave .

a little bit 
in love 
with you 

only one time I’ve been called fake, phoney, and other stuff like that all by the same person . at first I was questioning well am I this bad person (he/she) is claiming I am ? am I going to hell because I’m such a bad person ? am I really a bad friend to him / her ? I actually believed it . and with me believing that, I got depressed and had some dark days and nights and I did things I regret because of it and I am so ashamed of what I did .
made me feel like death, made me feel like I didn’t deserve anything but pain forever . and I hated myself . (words scar people). I wasn’t myself

but then I have people in my life that say very positive things about me . made me feel worthy of being alive , made me feel like I’m here for a good reason . then I thought about why would they say these things about me if I’m horrible, if I’m not trust worthy, if I’m devious, and fake ? is that all not true ? it’s not . it’s really not . only one individual (btw this person hurt me in the worst way) said that but I have several people who say differently but it still bothered me because it never happened to me . it’s because I can’t keep everyone happy but I try to . i want everyone to like me and accept me but i have learned that it will never happen .
I never would hurt my friends nor will I put them in harms way . I never will leave a friend unless they really want me to , and even then I’m gonna try to fix it . all of my friends know that .. I wouldn’t hurt them .

—misunderstandings ruined my life .—

I want to start over with my life but the mistakes I made I have to learn from them right ? yes . So I thank God for everything good and bad because it’ll help me grow . I’m growing . I’m learning and I’m helping

when our love was new you I could just tell by the way you looked at me I meant the world to you .
when our love was new, your lips were like the sweetest thing to have ever touched mine and I didn’t ever want to lose that .
when our love was new, when you told me you loved me I actually could feel it instead of just hearing you say those words .
when our love was new, the happiness between us was so real and pure .
when out love was new, you were my best friend I couldn’t be without .
when out love was new, I needed you and you needed me .
when our love was new, we would stay up all night in the kitchen drinking and laughing and crying .
but it was new love .

what about old love ?

our love did get older and just like seasons, moods, and life, it changed .
your eyes didn’t look at me like you used to .
with love .
it was hate .
your lips.. you fixed them to speak .
and when you spoke, they were nasty things to me .
lied to me .
yelled .
they were not sweet like once before .
the I love you’s turned to not even saying it back and just never said it anymore .
no more happiness .
more tears , more anger, more depressing moments that could tear one apart .
we were no longer friends .
no longer lovers .
we didn’t need each other anymore .
it was over .
we were over .
it breaks my heart to say you were just a season .
you were once my love, my everything and now you’re nothing .
how does that happen anyway?
God only knows
and life goes on .

my Gemini king

it seems as though there’s more than one of you .
and I love everyone of you .
does that make sense ?
it does to me ..
life is funny because I’m not supposed to be in love with you like this .
I never thought in a million years you would be so important and dear to me .
you were just a friend .
thassit .
but I started to adore you
I fell in love with our friendship .
and I fell in love with your mind
and I fell In love with our conversations . I fell in love with your laughter
and your tears .
I wanted to take your pain away from you .
I did all that I could for you .
my Gemini king, your temper seems so short now .
sometimes I think you hate me or you just think I’m stupid honestly .
-(and I’m not so stop insulting my intelligence)-
anyways ..
I don’t know why do you say the things you do .
tell me one thing then do another .
what is that ?
what are you trying to prove ?
who are you trying to impress ?
me ?
the words you say to me affect me . every thing you say .
be careful please and think before you speak .
I treat you like my king .
I take care of you like you are my baby .
and I love you like you’re my husband .
I’ve defended you like you are my best friend. I never have done what I’ve done for you for another man in my life .
and I’d really like to keep it that way .
you know,
you remind me of 6am.
well mornings in general .
•it’s hard to get used to you in the beginning but after a while I start to understand you more and I became a morning person .•

i think about us having a future all the time .
having your baby .
having your last name .
my Gemini love .
what have you done ?
I’m head over heels .
I love to just listen to you talk about your dad and you day and your opinion on different topics .
I just love to hear you talk .
but then there are nights when I feel like I can’t open up to you like usual . like I can’t talk to you . like I can’t count on you to be there for me . where is this change coming from? why is this happening ? men come up to me on a daily and I straight up tell them no to their invites because I know that I have you . and I only want you . I only want you . had to say it again so you would know . you need to know this . but do I really have you ? you have me . my all . my Gemini king, its like there is more than one of you that I see . one thats in love and one that hates me .

typical dirty mirror selfie

I don’t know how you do it 
but you make me forget about the pain .

maybe that’s why lately you’ve been all on my brain .

I love the way you say my name .
when I’m overwhelmed with life, you keep me sane .
you are my escape from the rain and the chaotic hurricanes .
and I hope that things will never change .
I have to refrain myself from doing certain things … when I’m with you .
I’m addicted to you like cocaine .

why don’t you come to my place
and I’ll listen to all that you say about the women you want .

I’ll just stare at your face .
I feel like I’m in a race for you
and I need to get first place .

but the season is changing, love .
so I thank The Lord above
for all of my blessings
big and little .
and you’re one of them although you make me want to sin .
you’re a great listener, an amazing friend .

i Ask god, to one day help me find the words to tell you how I feel about you .
I don’t want to,
but I love you .

and I hate this ..

I’m listening to Jhene while writing this … it’s crazy
oh my this weekend was perfect .
you make me happy but I’ll never tell you that . when it’s just me and you I have the best time . when I’m having a bad day, I can just talk to you and I forget about it all .

I hate you though you piss me off but I love you though . does that make sense ? but that’s how our relationship is .

but you’re an amazing friend .

I’m here for you when you need me . especially during your loss . I want to be there for you . I want you .. I really do . ugh .
this is crazy . I’m crazy .
but you’re so beautiful and smart and talented . I’m glad you’re in my life now but you’re what I want . the hoes you want don’t meet up to what you are capable Of. I know what you need ..

honestly I feel like you’re my only friend sometimes . I can’t talk to “my friends” like I can with you . I’m really myself 100% and I’m happy
and that’s what I need . a good person to talk to and be myself around . you make my day .

I want you yes but I know you don’t even … yeah . I just want it to be mutual but it’s cool though . I’m good just being your friend .

it’s like no matter what I do someone is always mad at me .
honestly I just don’t care anymore . I’m not doing anything wrong to anyone . honestly . I just want to be happy and I think that staying to myself trying to find myself can help . it’s a self thing nothing personal .
I’m to myself more and I’m going to keep it that way .
ilove who I am and I come first . ME . YO. Moi .